Food Runs, She tells me

My wife, Ellen, has set up most of our itinerary for our two weeks in Botswana. The first week we will spend in Dia's village of Sephofe, which to me is the most interesting part of the trip. And then we head off into some very remote territory, all in the hope of seeing elephants, lions, giraffes, meerkats, and perhaps, with a bit of luck, a random rhinoceros.

I will be driving a truck. We will be sleeping in a tent. And the animals, we are told, will be right nearby. In regards to the lions, I confess to a certain ambivalence. Seeing a family of lions up close, with nothing but nylon between you and their teeth, like this British couple did, has got to be a cool experience. (Would you have the presence of mind to film the experience? - not sure that I would).

I suspect that it's probably one of those experiences you enjoy more in the retelling than in the present. Ellen has read a lot of blogs about the places we are going, and has lots of helpful hints about people who have encountered lions in the wild. All of these posts, I remind her, were written by people who were not eaten by the lions.

The main rule to remember is this - "food runs". Meaning that if you do encounter a lion, you should remain where you are. If you try to run away, the lion is likely to perceive you as a wildebeest or some other delicious mammal and treat you the way her brain has evolved to treat you - as dinner. So, presuming we can remember this rule in real time, I am trying to picture just how this would play out. Dia, Ellen, and I sitting in the tent. The lion outside, maybe pacing, maybe growling, maybe licking a few dewdrops from the tent.

And here's the only thing I know for sure: I'm some point, I'm going to have to pee.

The truth? If we have any super animal close ups, I'm praying it's with a meerkat.

Meerkats eat bugs.